I didn't have enough time to write it, but here's what happened yesterday:
So my family picked me up and we visited our grandmother in the hospital who is ~80 and we were all just there for her. They also gave me like $700 😭. Also I learned that my grandmother has 10 children, and she had her first one when she was 14... that was a little weird when they told me that but OKAY! After that, we went to a mexican restaurant and I got a burrito thing (honestly, it didn't taste very good but it's whatever)! Then, we went to my aunts house and I played with 3 dogs there!!! There were 2 big ones and 1 little tiny one 🥺 THEY WERE ADORABLE. But I got a lot of dog hair on my clothes... and my mom is allergic, so i had to wipe it off when i got home. Today was REALLY GREAT, I had a lot of fun. i hadn't seen some of my family in a few years so that was nice :)
...
Today:
Before:
I've just been crying alone in my room most of today because I feel lonely, no matter how much I surround myself with people. No matter how many people i talk to, Or how many friends I have, Or even how many people claim to love me, I still feel like I'm alone. I might be dead on my birthday, it really isn't looking much like a "happy" birthday at this point.
Idk what i want anymore. i thought it was friends, or a relationship, but i'm still not happy and i don't know what will fix that anymore. Again i hate being around people, but i also hate being alone. I just want to be happy... I'm so envious of people who are happy and have friendships and relationships... and it makes me feel like a loser. My life is a mess, and it's only going to get worse. Anxiety is the #1 reason everything is so horrible. There is no cure once again as much as i wish there was!! Also it would be kind of cool to have a tombstone like:
🪦 June 17, 2007 - June 17, 2025 🪦My grandmother will likely outlive me lol
Anyway:
I've never really had close friends as a kid. I've never been to someones house. I've never met with anyone outside of school. I think i was the only one like this in my class. I kind of hope this ends up on the news after i die so people can at least know my story. And how i really felt in those moments.
After:
GUYS IGNORE EVERYTHING I JUST WROTE EARLIER! SUDDENLY IM SO HAPPY BASICALLY SOMETHING HAPPENED WITH SOMEONE AND IT MADE ME SO HAPPY SO I WILL NOT GIVE UP FOR YOU THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE I LOVE YOU
